Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
