I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
