Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
