dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
