i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
