So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize