I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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