I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
