You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need to calm my uterus...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
