OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
