Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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