Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
