white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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