I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
