I bet he comes in French.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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