I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
