i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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