oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize