I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I touched a dick in church today
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