I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
