It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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