he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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