And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
