you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
