This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
