If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
