The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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