Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My vagina just recognized that song.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
