I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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