someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
