He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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