Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
