There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize