I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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