Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
