Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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