The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
