I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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