I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Of course I have a pirate flag
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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