The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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