My brain says no but my pants say off.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
