suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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