Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
