Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
