woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
