isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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