i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
