Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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