u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
