The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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