he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
