well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Damn victory sex feels great
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
