so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize