So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
