I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
