I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
