Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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