I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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