I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
