So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
