We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize