dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
