i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You've changed since you got that strap on
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
