can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
its not stalking. its research.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
