the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
