i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
