After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
