So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
