Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
