If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
