I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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