I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
