Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
