You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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