I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
