Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
